Reality



Reality is much less idyllic than Disneyland and Winnie the Pooh. It's more like when you are in a department store shopping for a sweater for yourself, only to notice that your child's toes are jammed up against of their shoes, WHILE they're sitting in their stroller, (ones I SWEAR we only bought in November). So you feel bad and walk to the kids shoe department to get them some new ones and then your kid starts saying they are hungry, right in the middle of the aisle, and so you pull out a handy-dandy string cheese...quickly pick out some footwear, try them on the kid, and as you are trying to enter your pin code to pay for them, your kid starts gagging up a wad of cheese (because she's stuffed 3/4 of it in her mouth at one time.) Not so gracefully, you reach your left hand out to grab the expelled dairy while still punching the pin code at the same time. The salesmen smiled patiently and still gave Audrey a balloon, even though her mom was sweating and holding a wad of cheese. Proceed back to women's sweater department, only to discover in the dressing room that you have an urgent situation, which shall remain nameless. Thank goodness for baby wipes. Try on sweaters only to notice that you are already sweating (at 10am) and your white t-shirt is no longer white, but you are meeting a friend for lunch in an hour. Dig in bag of random things in car, to find only short-sleeved shirt: a pajama top (it's much warmer than it was when we left home 2 hours prior).

Reality is that you barely get a moment to eat when you're having lunch with a friend AND your precious 17-month old baby. Reality is that other kids think your kid looks like she's dressed up for Halloween, even when she's not. Reality is that your kids' diaper slides down their leg and makes them look like they have elephantitis when it contains approximately 2 pounds of pee, cause you are a bad mom. and you keep wondering why their pants are falling down. it's just too much to ask of ANY diaper.

Look very closely at the bulge in these pants.


Notice how the diaper is at her knee?
Thank goodness for good friends, who can laugh with you about it and distract your kid from the fact that the hoot is at their expense, by feeding them bites of Panera brownie.