You go whistling in the dark, -making light of it



Move: 27 days and counting.
Packing boxes and rummaging through stuff has a way of reminding me of all kinds of other moves God has taken me through in the past- physical, emotional and spiritual. I think change is always a bit scary- even when it's a change you've hoped for.

One of the most profound spiritual exercises I've ever learned, came to me by way of Marian's spiritual mentor--Sister Regina. Marian and I went on a retreat with Sister Regina a few years back. Held in a beautiful and quiet place in the country, the first evening was spent eating together with the group of about 6 other guests and 2 nuns, having dinner and talking about the plan for the weekend. The remainder of the retreat was spent in solitude and silence (even at mealtimes). The only break in silence was for brief sessions alone with Sister Regina.

During this time, her meek and simple questions included something to the tune of, 'So, where is God?,' and 'Is He saying something?' If there was nothing to report, that was fine. You were encouraged to just keep on waiting for Him while quieting your heart and mind.... walking in nature, enjoying the peace and relaxation of solitude.

Based on what you said, she might give you a scripture to meditate on, or an exercise to try. At this particular time, my own little-known and life-long struggle with fear was causing paralysis and indecisiveness. As such, meditating on Isaiah 43 brought me immense peace; a peace based not on any other guarantee than God's promise to walk with me through whatever life would bring. Sister Regina also suggested a simple, contemplative exercise that has been practiced by Christians throughout the ages: loving reflection (den kaerlige tilbageblik). In short, each night, you revisit your day sequentially, reviewing in your mind all of the people, events and things that you encountered, asking God to help you sense which of these brought light and which brought darkness into your life. As you become more aware of what brings darkness, she encouraged to go where the light is and to flee darkness. Also, when you're in the darkness, she advised to quickly call out to God, 'Lord, come to me!' and 'Lord, take me away from here!' It could be something as simple as fearful or negative thoughts, but in this way, God brings us from darkness to light. Which often reminds me of the lyrics from an old Susan Ashton song, 'You Move Me'.

You can also listen to the song here.

This is how it seems to me
Life is only therapy
Real expensive
And no guarantee
So I lie here on the couch
With my heart hanging out
Frozen solid with fear
Like a rock in the ground

Oh but you move me
You give me courage I didn't
Know I had
You move me on
I can't go with you
And stay where I am
So you move me on

Here is how love was to me
I could look and not see
Going through the emotions
Not knowin' what they mean
And it scared me so much
That I just wouldn't budge
I might have stayed there forever
If not for your touch

Oh but you move me
Out of myself and into the fire
You move me
Now I'm burning with love
And with hope and desire
How you move me

You go whistling in the dark
Making light of it
Making light of it
And I follow with my heart
Laughing all the way

Oh 'cause you move me
You get me dancing and you
make me sing
You move me
Now I'm taking delight
In every little thing
How you move me

For some reason, despite our fear and dislike of darkness, we seem drawn to it. Praise God that He promises to go with us through it and lead us into light. And even more than that, how wonderful that no darkness ever veils God's view of things.

There's another kind of darkness that I'd like to address--a different kind that's not 'evil' --it's 'the veil of unknowing'. Which will, hopefully, result in my long-owed book review. Next posting.

Kelly- you lucky duck.

Taizé services in Chicago, IL:

First Friday of each month, 7:30 PM
Ascension Church
815 S. East Avenue
Oak Park, Illinois 60304
708-848-2703
David Anderson DJAMusic@hotmail.com www.ascensionchurch.com

First Friday of each month, 7:30 PM
Lake View Presbyterian Church
www.lakeviewpresbyterian.org

I have actually also found that there are several places in Portland that occasionally have Taizé services. This will be a wonderful contemplative complement to whatever church we end up at.

Neck-ed.

Yes, indeed Audrey is growing and changing right before our very eyes. Physically, she's grown 2 inches and 2 pounds over the past few months. Developmentally, she does new things with every passing day. As you might have read on SpaceLady's recent posting, she is an avid and open-minded (some might call it naughty) reader, considering her young age.

New feats include undesirable abilities as well. Mid-day Easter, she was laid down for a much-needed nap in her porta-crib at the McCormick house. About 15 minutes into this, we heard her fuss, and then cry (as is occasionally her custom when something wakens her or she just decides that suddenly she no longer needs to sleep). After a few minutes of waiting, there was no sign that her crying was subsiding, so I decided to go up and check on the babe.

At the top of the stairwell, the pungent and distinct odor of #2 hit me like a slap in the face. 'Ok,' I thought. 'That explains the crying. She needs a diaper change' Nothing could have prepared me for what I would see in that next moment: my 19-month old daughter stretched out, naked as the day she was born, pacifier in mouth, stuffed kitten in her clutch--poop-filled diaper lying on the floor, outside the crib. She had simply ripped it off and thrown that disgusting article out of her world. A potty-training sign from heaven? Peut-être.

Potty training in the middle of a move and right before a long road trip was not in my plans. Can it wait? Advice anyone?

Turning to the West and East

Sunrise over Portland, Or

Do you know how 'Sunrise Services' originated? I didn't, until yesterday when the pastor at Glenkirk Pres. told this story--which I thought was so cool. Every year, on the anniversary of the Resurrection, the first Christians used to meet before sunrise. Just before the sun made it's appearance on the horizon, they would face West and renounce darkness and evil. Then, they would turn towards the sun as it rose and affirm, out loud, their embrace of The Light and the eternal life that the Resurrection had now made possible. How cool is that?

And all those years as a child, I just thought that it was some sort of cruel torture, having to get up early, sit outside in the freezing cold in my dorky Easter dress, goosebumps on my ice-cold legs adorned with dorky, frilly socks (which I will never make Audrey wear unless she wants to) and dress shoes--possibly also in a dorky Easter hat and gloves.

I love tradition and ritual when it is carried out with meaning, sincerity and conviction. I almost can't believe how much I disliked it in my early 20's, when I first encountered it in the Danish Lutheran church. It's such a shame that we have lost touch with so many deeply meaningful practices simply because some people conduct them without heart! I am forever indebted to Marian, who re-introduced me to the profoundly healing touch of God as my Father, as experienced in the more contemplative Christian traditions . How we desperately need to intimately know all sides of our God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit--and not one, to the exclusion of the others! How difficult it is to find a congregation where all sides of God are equally welcome.

For us this year, Easter Sunday was spent celebrating with family and friends...the McCormicks, B's fam (details in Kelly's posting) and later with Mike's fam.

He is risen. He is risen, indeed!
And may his Peace be with us all.

All good things come from above

So, i made this pact with God to really try to not buy things that i don't need...however small they may be. One of my biggest temptations over the past months has been aprons. You might be laughing, but i'm serious. My full-aprons aren't cute...they're old and stained, but that is what aprons are actually for, right? (i do have one cute waist-apron). Vanity, vanity...but there are so many adorable aprons out there nowadays! (Hip cooks you may have seen me eyeing them at our class that night...)

Anyways, funny enough last Friday, a birthday package arrived from one of my most precious friends, Marian. All the way from Denmark, the pack contained many fun things--among them: candy, Danish tabloids, a beautiful necklace, heartwarming letter, Marimmeko socks and....



This over-the-top adorable Marimmeko apron. (For those who may not know it, this is a famous textile pattern called, 'Unikko'--created in the 60's, it's renowned not only for it's then-bold aesthetic, but as a statement by the original designer.)

And Marian had absolutely no way of knowing that I've been wanting one.

Thank you, dear friend. Thank you, God. Of all the things...far from a need...i know. More than a birthday gift, it was a powerful and timely message.

Family of 5?



This weekend, we have test-driven what it would be like to be a family of 5. Faith and Jeziah came to stay with us, while their parents were in Fresno--these are two really wonderful and cool kids.

The weekend entailed a windy trip to the park, Girl Scout cookies (those new Lemonade ones rock), charades, a home-spa day for the girls and Dr. Seuss for the boys, the game 'would you rather...', church followed by lunch at the only place that can get away charging $12/pp serving all-you-can-eat-dog-food-for-humans. This is not the place to go if you are even remotely close to losing your faith in humanity. But kids dig it so....anyhow...




I see now why people say that, on the one hand, having several kids is easier than just having one, because they do play together. Audrey was in absolute heaven. At the same time, I can't imagine how parents withstand the constant interaction. How can one pay sincere, constant, non-stop attention to this many people, without becoming a nervous wreck? Seriously: there is always someone who wants you to 'watch this!' and 'do this with me!' and 'help me do this', etc. And none of it is unreasonable or anything like that. Just three very sweet, normal children. Still, it's just alot. Or may be I'm just too old, or something. Is this why some people turn to mother Vodka? But what do the non-drinkers do? Is having 'just' one child really all that cruel? Doesn't it count as some sort of charitable community service to be the cool neighbor with just one kid and who's not having a nervous breakdown, but who often invites the other kids over to play (and then gleefully send them home again)? These are questions I will continue to ponder and welcome your comments on. (Lurkers, come on and commit yourselves.)



Home spa day was just what we girls needed (although we could have used your services, Julie B.!) First we started out with the spa-lunch of champions (Weinershnitzel, of course.)


Then some yoga, fresh fruit, tea, cucumber & orange flavored water...






Exfoliation, facial masks, herbal baths...something for everyone.



Meanwhile, the boys saw :




These beautiful blooms would indicate Spring, but believe it or not, it also snowed several inches Saturday!

TELL me: how COOL is this?!


In preparation for moving, we have begun the arduous task of 'cleaning out.' For me, the absolute two worst areas are: the garage (which turned out not to be too bad after all) and my office (which turned out to be worse than I was expecting.) It's pretty much the one room in the house that I haven't de-cluttered AT ALL since moving last time. In fact, methinks that I've been carting around the same junk-in-need-of-getting-rid-of for oh say...about 6 years now.

So could I just up and throw out 6 years of Real Simple issues without giving 'em one last look? I suppose that I could have; but then all the moving them around would have been for naught. So I decided to quickly leaf through and pull out stuff that inspires me. In on issue, for example, I discovered these way-cool ways to funk out a room on a budget. Mio V2 designs wallpaper and other surface coverings (you can even design your own). Audrey really wants us to do something like this in the living room for her birthday. If I did this, I wouldn't do a whole wall, but probably just the size of a large poster-ish-size.

I am always amazed at how creative humans can be. And am especially inspired to see how people, who are both artistic and resourceful, can completely transform spaces without spending much money. I mean, it's easy enough to create an incredible looking room if you buy a room out of a store. But visit the Taizé community/monastery in France, for example, and you will be impressed by how they create such a peaceful, reverent and glowing aesthetic with simple terra-cotta bricks, tealights, and massive swaths of cloth. Light, texture, color, it's incredible how these simple elements transform. I was especially struck by how beauty, art and creativity were lived out as a form of worship to God, without even the slightest hint of materialism mixed in. Somehow, simplicity and appreciation for aesthetics balance in a way that seems so difficult to achieve in our world.

Now how fun is this sticker from ModernSeed?



Now I know that some of you crafty, creative people out there are thinking: 'well you could easily paint that on your kid's wall' But no, not I. There is also something deeply spiritual and wise about knowing your own limits. Anything that I might paint on my kid's wall is sure to depress her and I'm just not ready to have my baby to think that I suck. At 19 months, Audrey draws about as well as me. Ask Lissa and Alanna at Club Ed--I tried to help them do a bulletin board display for the store a few years ago and we ended up calling it 'Apocalypse Now.' There was alot of stapling and chalk drawings of volcanoes that looked like a nuclear wasteland. What was supposed to be a cheery scene looked like Irwindale, California. (For those of you who've never had the pleasure of visiting, you are missing n-o-t-h-i-n-g. Just picture Kevin Costner floating around on his raft in the movie, 'Waterworld.' That's basically Irwindale.)

As for me, wall stickers are a more realistic option. Or-- ever since I've seen it in real-life, I do have a new appreciation for what terra-cotta, tea lights and large swaths of cloth can do for a room. If artfully done.

Product Review: P.S.



I forgot to mention the product that we have become most loyal to over the past 2 1/2 years: J/A/S/O/N Powersmile whitening toothpaste. Not only has it won the award for 'best taste' from the Culinary Institute of America, it does not contain any Flouride, Lauryl Sulfate, Sorbitol, Xylitol, Propylene Glycol, Preservatives or Saccharin.

Our teeth and breath feel squeaky-clean, unlike with other natural toothpaste. (Sorry, Tom's.)

This is important stuff, I know. But with politics, scandals and corruption in the air, it's the little things. Book review of 'This Beautiful Mess' still forthcoming. It's building inside of me.

Green Product Reviews
While we've definitely got a long way to go before we can claim to have a truly 'green' household, we're doing what we can. To this end, we've tested a few different products that are in high-use such as more environmentally-friendly baby wipes, diapers and some cleaning supplies. Having heard very mixed reviews on 'green' diapers in general, we were curious.



Wipes

Amazon.com has fair prices on bulk stuff, so several months ago we purchased a case of the Seventh Generation baby wipes. Bottom line: in addition to finding these unscented wipes to have a slightly offensive scent, they are too thin and not wet enough--necessitating use of way too many of them, thereby defeating the purpose! For now, our favorites are still Huggies Natural Care Fragrance Free. We're now testing out the Kirkland brand wipes, which have come highly recommended.

Diapers


Most green diapers don't get the best of reviews so we were quite curious as to how the Nature Babycare nappies would perform. Developed and patented by a Swedish mommy--former law firm partner, Marlene Sandberg, these diapers are 100% chlorine, latex, fragrance, and TBT free. Further, with no plastic, all parts of the diaper are 100% compostable! For those who may not know it--every year that a baby is in diapers = 1,000 pounds of used nappies in landfills. (Believe it or not, traditional diapers take around 500 years to completely biodegrade!) Since there's also been alot of debate about how the cleaning-process of cloth diapers impacts the environment, no good solution to the dilemma has henceforth presented itself.

Anyway--we tested the Nature Babycare diapers for about 2 weeks now and they are really great in the ways that count most: namely protection/leakage and overall fit. They are, admittedly, slightly bulkier and more...'old-fashioned' feeling/fitting than the most high-tech Pampers and Huggies. (Think diaper technology from when we were kids), but hey--isn't a slightly bulkier-feeling diaper a small price to pay for the environment? They are still soft feeling and comfortable, overall. Plus--I've heard that modern diapers are so darned unobtrusive to a child's life that many don't even care to be potty trained. Price-wise, they are more expensive but my view on paying for 'doing the right thing' is that it's worth it. Paying for a prestige-logo or brand? Not so much. The thing is that we have gotten so used to everything being so cheap is part of what perpetuates not only child-labor, but unfair trade practices on the whole. But that's a blog posting for another day. Bottom line: you pay one way or another. We've been buying our nappies and wipes on diapers.com --so far they have fair prices and free shipping for orders over$50.

Bottom line: Despite being slightly bulkier, these are great diapers and much easier on the environment. When we move to Portland, I think we'll even start composting them.

Addendum: Mike adds one drawback to the diapers: the tape on these isn't like the velcro-like technology of the higher-end mainstreamers--meaning that after you are going to dispose of the diaper and go to do the 'poo/pee-fold-re-tape', there's not much adherence left for the last part.


Household Stuff

Laundry Detergent

I picked this up at my local health store and have really loved it. By Biokleen, this Citrus laundry powder does a great job at brightening whites and colors, is super-gentle and very concentrated. In fact, I ran out of it the other day and had to buy All-Free at the grocery store and discovered that on a per-wash basis, Biokleen is about the same price.

Tub & Tile
7th Generation Emerald Cypress & Fir--Tub & Tile cleaner does a great job on all bathroom surfaces. Plus, it's biodegradable, hypo-allergenic, non-toxic, has no dyes, phosphates or petroleum-based solvents and isn't tested on animals.

Bottom line: we'll keep it.

Veggie Wash
Since we're not at the point where we buy all organic produce, we soak our fresh foods in BioKleen concentrated produce wash. It removes pesticides, herbicides, fungicides, waxes and soil , while holding natural taste and appearance longer, without the use of preservatives.

Bottom line: there's no residue or taste and one bottle is so concentrated that it lasted me almost a year. (Hmmm...does that mean we don't eat enough greens?)

Mrs. Meyers

Ok, I have to admit that in addition to being biodegradable and environmentally-friendly what initially attracted me most to Mrs. Meyers products was their cute vintage packaging and original scents (geranium!). But here's the bottom line: like the hand soap, hand lotion and countertop spray. The dish soap sucks. (You have to use a ton and it's not effective.

So there you have it. A few reviews on a few products that are hopefully easier on your earth and health. I'm still too cheap to shell out the $ for green tp and paper towels. Can someone convince me, please?

Tillykke med fodselsdagen to our dear friend

34. 37. 45.
@ La Plaisible



Saturday, I turned 34 and it was a darned-near perfect day.

My darling husband and precious daughter took me out for a yummy breakfast at Mimi's (the closest we can get to Marston's, without driving 60 miles. We then putzed around and got things ready for our dinner guests...and what a fun time that was--a joint celebration with Matt (born on the 10th) and Lisa (né the 21st).













On the menu? Personal, homemade pizzas with all the fixin's you could want (see below), salad, and assorted beverages. Last but not least: each birthday celebrant's favorite dessert. Matt: German Chocolate Cake (Kelly outdid herself as always). Lisa: Peach Cobbler and b: Creme Brulée.





For posterity, each person recorded their own personal pizza and gave it a name. (Very revealing. Could be an effective substitute for the group interview in Psy.D. programs!)

Oh--and I have decided that any home in which we live shall herforth bear the name, 'La Paisible.' Pronounced 'plae-zee-bl'., it means 'the peaceful place' in French and I stole it with abandon. La Paisible was the name of Audrey Hepburn's dearly beloved home in Tolochenaz, Switzerland. (For those who don't know it, I am obsessed with all things Audrey H. And actually, although her elegance and class did certainly contribute to our love of the name to become our daughters, my acute fascination is only about a year old. Now, I read anything I can about her.)



Anyways, here were the pizza options at La Plaisible:
(When ordering by phone, you may use the # or name of your pizza. No substitutions please.)
P.S. These are written exactly as they were recorded by the chefs.

1.) The Magnificat (Denise)
Pepperoni, olives, mushrooms, basil and double cheese
created by Denise



2.) Twisted Classic (Kelly)
1 1/2 x sauce, corn, garlic, pepperoni, topped w/ cheese (lots!), sprinkle of basil, and more diced garlic.


3.) La Trioso (Matt)
A 3-part gustatory event
Part 1 - Canadian Bacon, pineapple, mozzarella
Part 2 - Pepperoni, garlic, green, red, orange peppers, olives, mozzarella
Part 3 - Italian sausage, olives, green, red, orange, peppers, corn, Port Salut cheese, mushroom, onion, basil.

4.) Woman In Transition (Lisa)
Sauce, sausage, pepperoni, cheese, mushrooms, basil, olive oil

5.) Mike's Magnificent Meatlover's (uh...Mike.)
Sausage, pepperoni, Canadian bacon, cheese, sauce, onions, garlic

6.) Yin/Yang (b)
Yin: Generous smearing of tomato sauce and mozzarella, garlic, pepperoni, pineapple, peppers, onions. Then more garlic.
Yang: Generous smearing of tomato sauce and mozzarella, garlic, Canadian Bacon, pineapple, peppers onions. Then more garlic.

Upon emerging from the oven, Yin/Yang is lightly drizzled with extra virgin olive oil and basil.
This deep dish is prepared in a cast-iron skillet, lightly brushed in olive oil and butter, then set atop an open fire to give it that golden brown crust. Depending on how much time the Chef spends chatting and goofing around, the crust may be burned.

Bon appetit!

P.S. Notes on photos. There are an embarrassing number of pictures with me in them but hey--I was pretty much the only one taking any. Further, Lisa (who was having her taxes done) appears in only one picture because by the time she had arrived at around 6pm, the party was already in full-swing, we were in our pj's and no longer cared about documenting the event.

Recent Audrey Pics...








In case you wonder what she's doing here, it's 'downward dog.'